This is the After me.

When something traumatic happens that causes so much pain, hurt, ache, longing, damage it changes the very cloth you are made of…Everyone walking around has something that has caused hurt and they have had to learn to work through, whether it be big or small. Not a single person walks around unscathed. We all have the “new” me or the “changed me” that we refer to as a healing process and a way to remind ourself that we recognize the damage and are picking up the pieces and moving along.

I’ve dealt with loss before. Loved ones, friends, relationships, personal belongings. Nobody gets dealt the perfect hand. I’ve been low and picked myself up, but that wasn’t a ‘Before & After’. My ‘Before’ was the morning of Jan 2, 2015. I was complete, my family complete, my heart complete. Five months prior our daughter Celeste was diagnosed with a benign Brain Tumor on her brain stem. 8 hour surgery and 6 week recovery later, defying the odds she was able to walk, talk and eat again and we were able to go home. During that time I thought we had overcome the hardest event in our lives. Thats the Before… That evening on Jan 2, 2015 we came home to find our 13 year old daughter Celeste unresponsive. She died. Hardest two words to say. That’s not suppose to happen. Our kids bury us. We don’t bury them. Time passes and I distract myself and force myself to keep pushing along, but then it hits. She died. This is my reality. No matter how much I pray and wish and hope the truth is I will never have her back. I am broken. Nobody knows what ‘Broken’ actually is until they have to survive the greatest loss and relive it multiple times a day. Broken beyond repair but not a lost cause. This is the ‘After’ me.

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